My Band Name For Today

"All bias hems are hand leveled". I don't know what it means either.
Your band names for today:

• Geriatric Profanity Disorder
  
• Octopus Motor
  
• Tapeloader
  
• Flying Shockbot
• Coelacanth Deathcult
  

"Coelacanth Deathcult" is my nomination for Band Name of the Month. Eerily enough, I spelled "coelacanth" correctly on the first try.

I also like "Flying Shockbot". I hope to build my own Flying Shockbot someday soon.

• Bacon Oven
  
• Spanakopita
  
• A.K.A. Marzipan Schweinchen
  
• The Magic Toenail
• Good Luck Pig

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other department:
I'm not implying that The Magic Toenail is a food. That would be disturbing.

Some wordy band names:

• Bad Bucket Beggar
  
• Shiny Balls of Time
  
• Divine Proportion
  
• Inflatable Moon Base Prototype
  
• Bloodthirsty Dog-Like Creature
  

What I'm Thankful for this Thanksgiving

This writer's strike has made me truly grateful for your professional, officially sanctioned writers. Imagine if writing were in the hands of amateurs.

Actually, we don't have to imagine. We have Wikipedia. I pulled this humdinger of a TV show capsule summary off a freshly edited page:

"When a young woman goes missing, the family assumes it is a kidnapping but there is no ransom note so Jim and Melinda talk about the case because a 'psychic' is about to talk to the family and Melinda knows that he really doesn't know anything but will be making stuff up to make the family happy just so he can take their money. Melinda visits the family and after talking the younger sister, realizes that it wasn't a kidnapping but an intervention, by the sister and the victim's ex-boyfriend, gone wrong."

Happy writer's strike, everybody.

• Butter Zone
  
• Anchor Baby
  
• Flammable Band
  
• Jack Up The Wah
  
• Lex Soli
  

"Flammable Band" is the narrow fuel/air ratio where a aerosol propellant is explosive.

Your band names for today:

• The Sierpinski Problem
  
• The Neuronic Plane
  
• Panic Fart
  
• The Nutcracker Swedes
  
• Sinkhole
  

I live in Florida, where the word "sinkhole" sends even jaded hipsters running in fear. Everywhere else, it probably has a more ambiguous meaning. Which is to say the word is more amorphous for humor purposes.

• Man Tan
  
• Austin Antenna Farm
  
• Bamboo Microscope
  
• Peplum
• Autonomous Heart Surgery Robot

There is a real-life West Austin Antenna Farm.
Conspiracy-theory nut job Alex Jones claims, "as many as three antennas on that hill are used for mind control subsonic transmissions on the neutronic plane! They are trying to control your mind right now! That's why I wear a hidden device to deflect the rays."

Somehow, this does not damage his credibility among 9-11 conspiracy theorists.

My band name for tomorrow shall be "Neutronic Plane".

Or maybe "Hidden Device".

Hidden Bonus I:
Q: What is the opposite of the Neutronic Plane?
A: The Neutronic Peanut.

Bonus II:
Q: Which of the two (Neutronic Plane/Neutronic Peanut) is the favorite of Fantasy Island sidekick "Tatoo"?
A: "Ze plane! Ze plane!"

• Private Moonshot
  
• Chariots of Diapers
  
• "Technical" Virgin
  
• Forward the Nippleheads
  
• Crypticus
  

• Formal Shorts
  
• Imaginary Girlfriend
• Hair Wad
• Lip-Flap
• Lord of Misrule
  

"Lip-flap" is the disconnect between sound and picture when people speak on film or video. Broadcasters also worry about lip flap when dialog is bleeped (for the sake of lip-readers), which is funny, because the term "lip flap" sounds more filthy than many of the words they are trying to bleep.

"Hair Wad" would be an Amy Winehouse tribute band.

Formal Shorts are a ridiculous "fashion" "trend".

You have seen these twelve dozen times, but let's go there again (they open in a new browser, so you can come right back here with no trouble).

I have a theory:

Star Wars Trumpet

Good Day, Mr. Kubrick...

Star Wars kid

Check it out: I have a little diagram to demonstrate my theory:

Here is the theory: It's the late 80's. Brian Atene, a hot property from his acting career, is smitten by the 80's hair and peekaboo shoulders of the perky Miss Stacy Hedger (or should I say, "Miss Douglas"? I'm not sure about the protocol of these things).

After a whirlwind romance, the two of them settle into married life, soon welcoming a chubby little bundle of joy. However, only a few years makes it clear: unlike his father, this particular child is no "Trekkie". He is a common Star Wars fan, probably from the DNA of his mother's side of the family. This Star Wars proclivity is soon evidenced by his series of solo light saber battle videos.

But families are resilient, so I'm sure they made it through this alright. After all, they went on to become the First Family of YouTube!

Unfortunately, I heard just the other day on the Intarwebs that the entire family was massacred by Ryan and Dorkman.

And if its on the Intarwebs it must be true.