My Band Name For Today

• Shaky Storyline
  
• That Shamwow Guy
  
• I Shot a Man in Reno
  
• Hospital Man
• Mister Mooney
  

Did you guys hear about that Shamwow guy? That's some pretty messed up stuff. Kinda makes you wonder how absorbent they really are.

Repetitiveness is my job.
Its my job to be repetitive.

--Department of Redundancy Department


Here are your band names:

• Baron von Chickenpants
  
• Toxic Assets
  
• Cudgel
  
• Flood Control
  
• Stage Whisper
  

You've heard by now that the erstwhile SciFi channel has changed its name to "Siffy" to further distance themselves from geeks.

It may be news to Siffy that their hated geek demographic would probably be watching their channel right now if it actually offered "science fiction", instead of featuring pro-wrestling, fake ghost catcher "reality" shows (which are so cheap you could quite literally make beter ones at home), or TV movies which seem to feature starring roles for poorly rendered CGI (E.g. "MAN-atee". I made that one up...I think).

However, there is no truth to the rumor that the SciFi channel news blog--formerly called "Sci Fi Wire"--is changing its name to "Siffylist".

Good morning folks.

I wish my lawn was Emo. That way, it would cut itself...

Here are your band names.

• Wet Umbrella Bags
  
• Buffon's Needle
  
• Walk the Angry Beach
• Leprechaun Dude
  
• Permanent Numbness

Bonus weekend band name:

• Pants Area

Mix-n'-match today's' band names for hilarious fun.

• Kernel Panic
• Quirk by Committee
• The Koshevnikov Gland
• High School Narc
  

Your band Names for today:

• The Girdle Witches
• Cauzin Softstrip
• Brain Juices
• Blood Feather

"Blood Feather" is my Band Name Of The Month nominee. It goes on the list of terms that don't mean what I think they mean.

I like it a lot because it works in a lot of contexts:

James Bond villain:

Bond: Untie me Bloodfeather, or I'll escape and destroy your mountaintop lair.

Bloodfeather: The bird's in the other hand this time, Mister Bond.*

Superhero nemesis:

Blood Feather (monologging): When I press this button, witness the molting of mankind!

Hero (suddenly breaks into frame): Time to put you back in your cage!

Blood Feather (escaping): This bird's gonna fly!

1970's Spinal Tap-style glam rock super group

Bloodfeather Lead Singer (descending to stage in giant crane-mounted golden birdcage): Hello Cleveland! We are Bloodfeather! Are you ready to rock?

I like how, even if you don't know anything about wardrobe or costume design, you can easily imagine the outfits each of the Bloodfinger's in the preceding scenarios would have worn. I bet you can picture them in your mind right now.


* If you think that James Bond line is bad, the original exchange I wrote featured a play on "two in the bush". --The horror!

BTW, you can re-write the theme to "Goldfinger" with the words "Blood Feather" instead.
If you can't easily think of 7 or 8 verses off the top of your head, you just aren't working at it. Give it a try now: "--Blo-oo-od FEATHER!"

• Plastic Booster Seat

That is all. For some reason I think "Plastic Booster Seat" would be an awesome band. I don't care what kind of music they play. Nobody could legitimately hate "Plastic Booster Seat".

I would totally go see a band called "Plastic Booster Seat". I might even pay that Ticketmaster fee instead of getting the sound guy to let me in.

• Reaction from the Western World
• Continuity Announcer
• Tapsel Gate
• Intricate Sensory Blowout
• Divine Monochord
• Rubber Bullroarer
  

A Divine Monochord can also be called a "mundane monochord". They're the same thing. Doesn't make sense, does it?

• Microwave Pies
• Nefarious Purposes
• Artificial Model
• Vegan Slaughterhouse
• Electric Ladypants