Kyle contributed the Underwater Photo Society. He found the name on an envelope when he was going through some stuff. I am violating RULE NUMBER 1 by allowing a band name from Kyle (he claims I never use his names).

I've done some research on the addresses on the envelope, and it would take a novel of Da Vinci Code proportions to explain why he found it where it was. Let's just say that time machines probably do exist, and Grey Aliens are stockpiling plasma for the coming Aquarian transformation.

Or not.

Anyway, here's the envelope:









Vocal Fry Contest:

(*Shop with confidence. I have no financial interest in Sleeve City.)

A few words about the Vocal Fry Contest:
I would surely win in any vocal fry contest. My problem is that I laugh. If I could learn not to laugh, I would win any vocal fry contest. Vocal fry contest.

Have I said "vocal fry contest" enough for your taste yet? If so, then it is today's candidate for semantic satiation.

Vocal fry contest.

See how I just assumed you knew what the fry register is? I know that you're smart like that.

In the near future I'll do some humor based on male whistle tones.







Paco Hernandez

Hello. I am strongly considering changing my name to "Paco Hernandez". I have the feeling that I could get away with anything if my name was "Paco Hernandez".

"Paco Hernandez" just comes with its own cache of cool. If my name were Paco Hernandez, I would constantly refer to myself in the third person.

Someone could tell me to do some boneheaded thing and I would just say "Hey Baby, Paco Hernandez doesn't roll that way." It would be awesome.

Anything I say becomes an instant catchphrase when I follow it with "Or my name isn't Paco Hernandez!" E.g. "Rap, Rock and Pop have become increasingly moribund...--or my name isn't Paco Hernandez!"

I would intentionally mispronounce words to work my name into them. Take (for example) Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D. --I’d call it “Paco-bell’s Cannon” instead.

And I’d refer to French geopolitical districts as “Hernandez-ments” instead of Arrondissements (you’d be surprised how often that comes up).

In my honor the Unix text editor PICO would be renamed “Paco” (you’d be surprised how often that comes up).

Finally, I would be able to claim that my name was an anagram for “Crap Hazed Neon” or “A Pranced Zen Ho”, OR “Nacho Raped Zen”.

Also, I could evade my many, many creditors.

If my name were Paco Hernandez, I would work every day to make the world a hipper, more laid-back place, because life can be harsh. And Paco Hernandez doesn't roll that way.

Paco Hernandez. If I were Paco Hernandez, even my middle name would be Paco Hernandez.

And that's a promise--from Paco Hernandez.


On second thought, "Post Nasal Drips" might also be a good name for a breakfast cereal.

--I somehow envision the logo/ad campaign easily in my mind...

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