Schwarzenegger Rescues Schwimmer

A few weeks ago one of the band names was "Schwarzenegger Rescues Swimmer", based on a real-life event.

Frequent collaborator Paxton Hare writes:
I vote for a variation of "Schwarzenegger Rescues Swimmer"... "Schwarzenegger Rescues Schwimmer". You can photoshop arnold and david hugging or something.

Who am I not to grant such an awesome request?

Your phony band names for today:
*Aphasia is the inability to understand or produce cognizant verbal communication due to a specific type of brain damage. Along those same lines, I sometimes have trouble thinking of the correct nouns (and only nouns) when I am speaking. Purple monkey dishwasher.



I'm Whoopi Goldberg for Flooz

I'm Mark Wynkoop, and I have tens of thousands of dollars worth of un-cashed Flooz that I'd be willing to trade for tulip bulbs, green stamps or unused carbon emission vouchers.

Here are your unsolicited band names:
  • The Popcorn Sluts
  • Great Attractor
  • Wang Freestyle*
  • Soylent Vegan
  • The Lyman Alpha Blobs
*The Wang Freestyle was a 1990 product from Wang Computers. It was an expensive turnkey system which cost 1.2 million dollars for 30 computers and a file server.

Even though most of the Freestyle terminals had rare (in those days) tablet and headset capabilities, you could still buy hundreds of $5,000 PCs for that price in 1990. Thanks to numerous market and management factors (not just the Freestyle), Wang was out of business within a couple of years.

I always thought it would be funny if the Wang corporate headquarters had a ballroom. I'd pay real cash (well, FLOOZ, at least) for a photograph of the sign reading "Wang Ballroom".



D.C. Area Actors Needed

Attention "Band Names" faithful:
We are casting for our D.C. Area 48 hour film which is shooting the weekend of May 3rd, 2008. I encourage you to upload your info, c.v., head shots, or whatever to the Green Llama Productions website and you will get a chance to work with some interesting, creative and talented folks.

Also you can get a national project under your belt -- and pad out your c.v.! Similarly, my crazy female stalkers may get a chance to see me on the mean streets of D.C. --And ladies, the answer is "Yes, I still do have that pot belly from my blog photo"!!! And the weekend of the film shoot I'll be sleeping even less than I did when that picture was taken, so that glazed look in my eyes will be multiplied by an order of magnitude.

No mater what your motivation is (Don't say revenge!) I strongly encourage any area actors who are interested to contact the website. You will have a blast, and we are one of the most talented crews in the competition this year. See you in D.C.!

The Fifth Chamber was a previous Green Llama Short film.
A spooky Corporate Fable based on a story by Ambrose Bierce.



Band Name Of The Month

Hands down (if you'll excuse the term), the band name of the month is:
Unfortunately (if that's the word), Levator Ani was the real band name of a musician and composer that I respect and admire (and whose identity I protect, so that he may keep that respectability!). It was just a pick-up band, but they played at least one gig, so that counts as real.

He writes:
"A friend of mine pointed out that I should tell you about our band name....It was a very eclectic group of songs ranging from Earth Wind & Fire, to Zepplin, to Van Halen to Rick Deringer and Bad Finger. We called ourselves Levatar Ani. One of our band members was a medical student at the time and pointed out to us this funny muscle in the anatomy books...

We spelled it "Lavator Anai" to look more gothic and did it all in gothic letters...Yes, we were very much taking a page from the Spinal Tap book. I think we did a Spinal Tap song too. At any rate....there's a band name for you."
Okay, buddy. You win the prestigious Band Name Of The Month competition. Add that to your wall of accolades. Anatomy-based band names are much funnier than the particle physics-based band names I usually try to pawn off on the reading public.

Speaking of "The Anatome", check out Voice Industrie's 2-CD retrospective "Voice Historie". It has many of the tracks from their long out-of-print breakthrough album "Anatome". For those of you new to the band, "energetic" and "trip hop" are two words you usually don't see together, but this Canadian duo create a unique brand of high octane chill-out music. Highly recommended. Also available as a digital download.

And to end on a low note, if you'd like a general purpose Levator Ani joke, then try this:
Q: How is [fill-in-the-blank with latest politician caught in sex scandal] like Levator Ani?
A: They both
support viscera in the pelvic cavity.

Sorry folks. Goodnight.



Rejected Rejected Yoga Positions

Here is the list of Rejected Yoga Positions that I rejected from the list of Rejected Yoga Positions a few days ago.

On this blog, we use all parts of the buffalo.


After a recent Mythbusters I TiVo'd, The Discovery Chanel ran and advisory that the next program contained "Indigenous Nudity". Sounds like a band name to me.

Kyle, thanks for giving me CornSmut. I guess it would have to be a Korn tribute band.



Consumer Warning

This blog may contain milk, wheat and soy ingredients. This blog was produced in a facility which also processes peanuts and other tree nuts.

Here are your fake band names for today:
I like "Yankee Candle Foxtrot". Makes me think of a military operation that isn't too busy to stop and consider the fragrant "scent sensations" (tm) that a product with real tea tree or sandalwood can bring to a hard-edged firefight or midnight raid.


Good morning, Jim. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to read a few lame fake band names:

*Because "Recumbent Beagle" was one of the fake Yoga positions. I think Recombinant Beagle would be a better band name.

I'm re-reading "Johnny Tremain" now that the John Adams mania has fueled everyone's interest in all things American Revolution. I'm getting to the "Hand Deformation" scene, and I agree with Bart Simpson. They should call this book "Johnny Deformed".

As always, should you or any of your I.M. force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.



Movie News

Tom Servo: I want to hurt this movie, but I can never hurt it as much as it hurt me.
Crow: Yeah. The movie really heightens the lack of interest in the film.
Tom Servo: What do you think the message of this movie was?
Crow: "Don't watch it."
Fair Warning, folks. My associates and I have a motion picture entered in the D.C. Area 48 Hour Film Festival this year.

Be frightened.

Have some band names:
Escamole is a horrible horrible thing. Do not Google it. I implore you.

Also do not listen to the so-called "songs" of Hannah Montana. FREE TIP: Miley, the Disney corporation is flushed with cash. Hire a frickin' lyricist who is aware that some words can have as many as three syllables.

The kid has talent, but those songs--those songs are just really, REALLY BAD.



Rejected Yoga Positions

Let's take a brief brake from Band Names, shall we? In honor of my girlfriend and the suspicious "Downtown Yoga" program (see the comments for the "Yoga Gangstas" band name in the archive), I present todays list:

Rejected Yoga Positions



Bathroom Humor

If ever there was a time to bring back
this picture, its now.

I don't mean to be cruel, but you have to go check out a website called IBS Tales. its a kind of support group for people who suffer from irritable bowel syndrome.

And a great source of Schadenfreude.

If you do go there, a gentle warning. It's not for the squeamish. I believe you will find the term "Poop Attack" in the first sentence. Go there (if ya gotta go):

IBS Tales: Personal Stories of Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Today's Band Names:
UPDATE: "Schadenfreude" is not a vulgar German euphamism, although, given the context, I understand why some of you may have misunderstood what it meant...

UPDATE II: "breakthrough pooping". That's all I'm saying. Somehow this band name list has survived three-plus years without "Breakthrough Pooping" appearing as a name yet. So here it is:
For some reason, I feel like Casey Kasem, counting down the top 40 songs, but instead of finishing with number one, this list finished with number two, if you know what I mean.

UPDATE III: A long-time band name blog reader pointed out that the difference between Casey Kasem and this list is that Casey Kasem began with Scooby Doo, while today's list ended with an altogether differnet kind of doo.

Sorry. Blame that one on the long-time blog reader.

I've put him on my list.



Downtown Denver's "The Wynkoop"

Klytus, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
How about some fake band names?*I can name my band "Hickenlooper" because Denver mayor John Hickenlooper named his restaurant The Wynkoop. For a brief time in the 90's they let me use the email address "mark@wynkoop.com" until they decided that an employee might someday need it.

Some have questioned why he would name a restaurant "Wynkoop", seeing as how its such a goofy name. My best guess is that even though "Wynkoop" is a goofy name, its still not as goofy as "Hickenlooper".

John, if you're reading this can I have that email address back? --No? --Looks like I blew that chance.

My pal Paxton mentioned "Monkey in the Middle", a computer exploit where a middle server tries to fool two outer servers. I thought it would be a good band name. Paxton asked me to give him credit, seeing as how it will irritate our buddy Kyle, who is too busy going to see Radiohead to help us with an upcoming film. Eat it, jerk. Where's the Karma Police when you really need them?

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?