Schwarzenegger Rescues Schwimmer
Frequent collaborator Paxton Hare writes:
I vote for a variation of "Schwarzenegger Rescues Swimmer"... "Schwarzenegger Rescues Schwimmer". You can photoshop arnold and david hugging or something.Who am I not to grant such an awesome request?
Your phony band names for today:
- Metaphor Cannon
- The Monk's Reward
- Unshootable Bandwagon
- Eloquent Aphasia*
- Schwarzenegger Rescues Schwimmer
I'm Whoopi Goldberg for Flooz
Here are your unsolicited band names:
- The Popcorn Sluts
- Great Attractor
- Wang Freestyle*
- Soylent Vegan
- The Lyman Alpha Blobs
Even though most of the Freestyle terminals had rare (in those days) tablet and headset capabilities, you could still buy hundreds of $5,000 PCs for that price in 1990. Thanks to numerous market and management factors (not just the Freestyle), Wang was out of business within a couple of years.
I always thought it would be funny if the Wang corporate headquarters had a ballroom. I'd pay real cash (well, FLOOZ, at least) for a photograph of the sign reading "Wang Ballroom".
D.C. Area Actors Needed
We are casting for our D.C. Area 48 hour film which is shooting the weekend of May 3rd, 2008. I encourage you to upload your info, c.v., head shots, or whatever to the Green Llama Productions website and you will get a chance to work with some interesting, creative and talented folks.
Also you can get a national project under your belt -- and pad out your c.v.! Similarly, my crazy female stalkers may get a chance to see me on the mean streets of D.C. --And ladies, the answer is "Yes, I still do have that pot belly from my blog photo"!!! And the weekend of the film shoot I'll be sleeping even less than I did when that picture was taken, so that glazed look in my eyes will be multiplied by an order of magnitude.
No mater what your motivation is (Don't say revenge!) I strongly encourage any area actors who are interested to contact the website. You will have a blast, and we are one of the most talented crews in the competition this year. See you in D.C.!
A spooky Corporate Fable based on a story by Ambrose Bierce.
Band Name Of The Month
- Snapping Turks
- Redneck Pole Car
- The Loudest Mimes In The World
- Sound Tunnel
- Flex Cloud
- Levator Ani [links to wikipedia article]
"A friend of mine pointed out that I should tell you about our band name....It was a very eclectic group of songs ranging from Earth Wind & Fire, to Zepplin, to Van Halen to Rick Deringer and Bad Finger. We called ourselves Levatar Ani. One of our band members was a medical student at the time and pointed out to us this funny muscle in the anatomy books...Okay, buddy. You win the prestigious Band Name Of The Month competition. Add that to your wall of accolades. Anatomy-based band names are much funnier than the particle physics-based band names I usually try to pawn off on the reading public.
We spelled it "Lavator Anai" to look more gothic and did it all in gothic letters...Yes, we were very much taking a page from the Spinal Tap book. I think we did a Spinal Tap song too. At any rate....there's a band name for you."
Speaking of "The Anatome", check out Voice Industrie's 2-CD retrospective "Voice Historie". It has many of the tracks from their long out-of-print breakthrough album "Anatome". For those of you new to the band, "energetic" and "trip hop" are two words you usually don't see together, but this Canadian duo create a unique brand of high octane chill-out music. Highly recommended. Also available as a digital download.
And to end on a low note, if you'd like a general purpose Levator Ani joke, then try this:
Q: How is [fill-in-the-blank with latest politician caught in sex scandal] like Levator Ani?
A: They both support viscera in the pelvic cavity.
Sorry folks. Goodnight.
Rejected Rejected Yoga Positions
On this blog, we use all parts of the buffalo.
- Gray Lady Down
- The Three Dog Night
- Dog Facing Boy
- Dannon Fruit on the Bottom Yoga
- The Badly Distended Nipple
- The Warrior of Virtue
- Herniated Bladder of the Moon
- The Recumbant Hitler
- The Sit On It Potsie
- Extended Hand to Cleavage Pose
- Master Yoga "Judge me by size, do you? Size matters not" Pose
- Indigenous Nudity
- Interocular Convergence
- The Bilabial Fricatives
- Noam Chop-socky
Kyle, thanks for giving me CornSmut. I guess it would have to be a Korn tribute band.
Here are your fake band names for today:
- Frank Cannon in D
- Hide Nor Hair
- Flop Sweat
- Presentation Pants
- Yankee Candle Foxtrot
- Redundant Tautology
- Johnny Deformed
- Recombinant Beagle*
- Vomit Sutra
I'm re-reading "Johnny Tremain" now that the John Adams mania has fueled everyone's interest in all things American Revolution. I'm getting to the "Hand Deformation" scene, and I agree with Bart Simpson. They should call this book "Johnny Deformed".
As always, should you or any of your I.M. force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
Tom Servo: I want to hurt this movie, but I can never hurt it as much as it hurt me.Fair Warning, folks. My associates and I have a motion picture entered in the D.C. Area 48 Hour Film Festival this year.
Crow: Yeah. The movie really heightens the lack of interest in the film.
Tom Servo: What do you think the message of this movie was?
Crow: "Don't watch it."
Have some band names:
- The Escamoles
- Cabbage Princess Goes to Prison
- Jawbone of an Ass
Also do not listen to the so-called "songs" of Hannah Montana. FREE TIP: Miley, the Disney corporation is flushed with cash. Hire a frickin' lyricist who is aware that some words can have as many as three syllables.
The kid has talent, but those songs--those songs are just really, REALLY BAD.
Rejected Yoga Positions
Rejected Yoga Positions
- The Below The Belt Pose
- The Jaded Hipster Pose
- The Employee Facing Registry
- Spine Wrenching Pose
- Half-Standing Deep Heating
- The Camel Toe
- The Half Moon Bay
- The Awkward Pose
- Recumbent Beagle Doghouse Pose
- Balancing Checkbook Pose
- Insane Clown Pose
- Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee Pose
- The Tree Hugger
- Wet, Dripping Pose
- The Spit-Up
- The This Can't Be Good
- The Lotus 1-2-3
- The Meeting Her Parents Fixed Firm Pose
- The Half Decaf Pose
- Blowing in Favors Pose
- The “Let's Go Eat Beef From A Delicious, Delicious Cow After We Do This Yoga” Pose
I don't mean to be cruel, but you have to go check out a website called IBS Tales. its a kind of support group for people who suffer from irritable bowel syndrome.
And a great source of Schadenfreude.
If you do go there, a gentle warning. It's not for the squeamish. I believe you will find the term "Poop Attack" in the first sentence. Go there (if ya gotta go):
IBS Tales: Personal Stories of Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Today's Band Names:
- Virginia Dare
- Merge Visible
- Poop Attack
- Nose Flute
- Our Trendiness Has No End
UPDATE II: "breakthrough pooping". That's all I'm saying. Somehow this band name list has survived three-plus years without "Breakthrough Pooping" appearing as a name yet. So here it is:
- Breakthrough Pooping
UPDATE III: A long-time band name blog reader pointed out that the difference between Casey Kasem and this list is that Casey Kasem began with Scooby Doo, while today's list ended with an altogether differnet kind of doo.
Sorry. Blame that one on the long-time blog reader.
I've put him on my list.
Downtown Denver's "The Wynkoop"
How about some fake band names?
- Whey Tech
- Monkey in the Middle Attacks
- Dry Socket
- Bone Char
Some have questioned why he would name a restaurant "Wynkoop", seeing as how its such a goofy name. My best guess is that even though "Wynkoop" is a goofy name, its still not as goofy as "Hickenlooper".
John, if you're reading this can I have that email address back? --No? --Looks like I blew that chance.
My pal Paxton mentioned "Monkey in the Middle", a computer exploit where a middle server tries to fool two outer servers. I thought it would be a good band name. Paxton asked me to give him credit, seeing as how it will irritate our buddy Kyle, who is too busy going to see Radiohead to help us with an upcoming film. Eat it, jerk. Where's the Karma Police when you really need them?