2009-09-05
Paco Hernandez
- Monkey Grinder
- Paco Hernandez
- Cache of Cool
- Diapers of the Mind
- DIABEETUS
Hello. I am strongly considering changing my name to "Paco Hernandez". I have the feeling that I could get away with anything if my name was "Paco Hernandez".
"Paco Hernandez" just comes with its own cache of cool. If my name were Paco Hernandez, I would constantly refer to myself in the third person.
Someone could tell me to do some boneheaded thing and I would just say "Hey Baby, Paco Hernandez doesn't roll that way." It would be awesome.
Anything I say becomes an instant catchphrase when I follow it with "Or my name isn't Paco Hernandez!" E.g. "Rap, Rock and Pop have become increasingly moribund...--or my name isn't Paco Hernandez!"
I would intentionally mispronounce words to work my name into them. Take (for example) Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D. --I’d call it “Paco-bell’s Cannon” instead.
And I’d refer to French geopolitical districts as “Hernandez-ments” instead of Arrondissements (you’d be surprised how often that comes up).
In my honor the Unix text editor PICO would be renamed “Paco” (you’d be surprised how often that comes up).
Finally, I would be able to claim that my name was an anagram for “Crap Hazed Neon” or “A Pranced Zen Ho”, OR “Nacho Raped Zen”.
Also, I could evade my many, many creditors.
If my name were Paco Hernandez, I would work every day to make the world a hipper, more laid-back place, because life can be harsh. And Paco Hernandez doesn't roll that way.
Paco Hernandez. If I were Paco Hernandez, even my middle name would be Paco Hernandez.
And that's a promise--from Paco Hernandez.
