Howl-Oh!-Scream Horror-ble Pun-tastic Spectac-ghoul-lar III
The "Very Special Blog" post will be delayed until tomorrow so that I can bring you today's beloved annual event.
Really, it's become more popular than "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", if you can go by the four-count it-FOUR votes on the voter gizmo.
Now, I freely admit that the voter gizmo is BROKEN, and only people with bad browsers could vote, but statistically there STILL should have been more votes, based on the traffic this blog generates.
Anyway, I have to do the pun band names. The graphic logo gets better every year. Also, I couldn't help but interject my editorial comments on some of the names.
"Guest band name column by former children's (sic) Halloween album producer and retired Atlantic Journal substitute humor editor Al Hunt (nee Hyram Weisman), now aged 74. Actual band names selected with the help of grandson, 'Little Jeffy', aged 29 or so."
- Green Slay
- BAD Charlotte! [Al finds this one particularly funny]
- Fall Out Of Child Seat Boy
- Panic! At The Disco [Al doesn't seem to have changed this one]
- My Chemical D'oh!-mance
- The Gimpy Appendix Experience [Hey, that's pretty good! Hendrix rocks!]
- Bowling for Scary, Scary Soup
- Black Eyed Amputees [If you think *that's* offensive, you should have seen his first "Black Eyed Peas" pun. Very racist against Asians.]
- Im-Modest Mouse
- K.I.S.S. your Grandma
Cheap Blank Cassette
Try one of these:
- Mob Girlfriend
- Glorified Hamburger
- Feeder Person
- First Person Shooter
- Dropout Factory
Forget that! The the late, un-lamented CASSETTE TAPE is the REAL dropout factory!
Fun Fact ™ :
Did you know that 80's TV icon Max Headroom ™ gets his name from the old days of analog tape recording?
"Headroom" is difference between normal operating volume (level) and the point where the tape records the maximum signal (e.g. the loudest sound).
Distortion occurs when the tape becomes saturated by too much volume.
Recording engineers were always looking for a way to get the maximum headroom, so "max headroom" became a kind of industry shibboleth.
Be sure and check back here tomorrow. I have something interesting planned...
Terra Preta, aside from being a fascinating subject itself, comes from a conceit in a romantic poem that compared coffee to "India's black earth". Can anyone name that poem?
My new goal in life is to have a solid gold bidet.
3 Word Band Names
- Rubber Nipple Salesmen
- Robot Finds Kitten
- Scrum Sprint Cycle
- Killers From Space
- McCabe Cyclomatic Complexity
- Sad Panda
- Cordless Tranquility Fountain
- Hippie Shack
- Rectilinear Locomotion
- Milk Tosser
- Pauper's Grave
- Autopsy Dolls, or The Lorne Green Autopsy Doll
- The Jethro Conundrum
- Arrhythmic Troll
That Time of the Month
- Heavy Days
- Hormonal Aggression
- The Retainers
- Aunt Flo
Stop me before I pun again
In the spirit of presidential campaigns nowdays somehow starting several years too early, I give the power to the people, allowing you to decide if the Halloween pun names will appear again this year.
- Shadow Helmet
- Hand Bra
- Slam Dunk Ernest
- Flourescent Turd
- Egregore Trout
"I am Optimus Prime"
I'm so much of a nerd that Star Trek regularly sends me email.
Yes it does.
But my place at the top of Anorak Mountain was seriously challenged by this note from my friend K*le last night (names altered to protect the hip and well-adjusted persons involved):
In celebration of the pending release of Transformers on DVD and HD-DVD, I present a picture of an Optimus Prime helmet that J*d and I made today (yes, I did this at work). It was made with an empty oatmeal box, foam, and lots of duct tape. We're thinking of constructing a full Optimus Prime costume for HalloweenAnd he sent this picture:
I made the photo small on purpose, but you can click on it to see a large version. Two things occurred to me at first:
- A friend of mine has constructed an Optimus Prime mask from common household materials (call me mister obvious, but it took some time for it to sink in).
- He constructed it with the help of a guy named J*d.
- The mask is really pretty good.
- There is something horrifying about it (that's the reason I made it small).
Mark was the child of two physicians and a classically trained actor.
Your band names for today:
- Popcorn Tower
- Polapan Blue
- Preposition Erection Pill Joke
- That Car Gluey
- Cave of Shadows
- Pain Ray
- Monkey Bubbles
- Wall Street Big Shots
- Canadian Tuxedo
Masque of the Red Shirt
- Suspicious Copper
- Ambush Parade
- Panda Cam
- Cursive Letters
- The Red Shirt Treatment
Does "Ambush Parade" sound a little too much like "Amish Paradise"?
"Cursive Letters" goes on my list of Words That Don't Mean What I Think They Mean™.
Here's a tip for any marketing copywriter: Before you write or pitch any lazy, uninspired advertising campaign, type your slug line into Google. I'm talking of course about the ill-conceived "You Deserve the RedShirt Treatment" health care campaign.
It's the 21st century, and anyone with a basic level of pop culture savvy is aware of Star Trek. You no longer have to be a geek to be at least mildly conversant in the dozens of Star Trek tropes that pervade American culture.
Go ahead and Google "Red Shirt" or even "Redshirt" and see what comes up. "You Deserve the RedShirt Treatment" indeed!
Is this what free national health care will get us?
Excerpted from "All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Watching Star Trek" (ISBN-10: 0517883864):
"Anyone with even a passing interest in Star Trek should know this rule: Never, ever, ever wear a red shirt--not under any circumstances. Don't do it.
Pick any episode. Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, a series regular like Uhura and some guy you've never seen before are standing on the transporter pad. If the guy is wearing a red shirt, he will not live past the first commercial. Somewhere on the planet below certain death awaits.
I've watched these guys in red shirts get shot, be blown up, be disintegrated, have all their blood drained, have every cell in their body explode and otherwise meet the most painful and horrible deaths imaginable. "
Band Name Family Fun Pack
- Mouth Crazy
- Family Fun Pack
- Render Shroud
- Inappropriate Comedy Tree
- Rat Island
"Mouth Crazy" is from a Kilgore Trout novel.
My Random Rule Number 27 is that anything sold in a "Family Fun Pack" will stink to high heaven. Marketers know this, and deliberately bundle things in Family Fun Packs precisely because they please no one, but are generally inoffensive. Unless you are offended by the insipid, as more and more of you seem to be.
Perhaps that should be rechristened "Family Generally Inoffensive Packs". Then I would have to change the name of this blog to "Generally Insipid Band Names For Today".
Not affiliated with Bugle Boy jeans
- Tilt-Shift Fakers
- Intel's Emo Core 2 Duo
- Dreamsville Moosehorn
- Devil's Pick
Intel makes multi core processors, so why not multi emo core processors?
And, yes, a teratoma is a horrible tumor that resembles your average Bratz doll (for example).
[EDIT: for gosh sakes don't Google pictures of the tumor. I really mean it. This is not a dare. You'll wish you hadn't. --Look up how to do tilt-shift faking instead. --If you ignore me, DON'T come back here and give me negative feedback. Sometimes a warning REALLY IS a warning. ]