It's easy to produce. Indeed, even though techno, hip hop and Tejano can be piddled together accidentally by careless bunglers, country music is produced naturally as a by-product of the radioactive decay of rusty tractor parts.
It is organized into AABA song format in Nashville by non-union temps working out of trailer homes, and distributed by Wal-Mart throughout the civilized world and parts of the UK.
If written in any other time signature than 4/4, there is an OSHA regulation requiring it to be titled “The [fill-in-the-blank] Waltz.” As you can imagine, this has played havoc with the dreams of literally thousands of country artists, who yearn to write songs in 5/4, 7/8 and 9/8.
Inspired by the lure of BIG BIG profits shaved from the paychecks of middle-class women aged 24-48, I have devised my own country music album, ironically untitled (I am considering the title "Country Matters" as a Shakespeare allusion to further alienate my audience).
Here is a list of the songs written especially for this tour de force. I composed them while wranglin' Belgian draft horses through the arroyos of the Colorado badlands:
- Track 1: THX Intro
- Track 2: Turn The Lights Down Hazel
- Track 3: Marry Me A Purdy Movie Star
- Track 4: Cisco, Utah
- Track 5: Got Me a Car (Went Down To the Bar)
- Track 6: I'm Not Gay
- Track 7: Hiding My Politics From My Right Wing Fans
- Track 8: I'm A Real Cow Boy (The Genetic Mutation Song)
- Track 9: Song for Lonely City Dwelling White Women Who Are My Main Demographic
- Track 10: The John Wayne School A' Elocution
- Track 11: I'm Lyin' Through My Teeth When I'm Singin' Through My Nose
This is long before me 'n Chuck were Texas Rangers
You'll need a video, though. Here's something to get you going: