My Band Name For Today

I don't make this stuff up. Anyway, you've seen this news item in other places:

Man Sues Over Long-Lasting Erection

NEW YORK - A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of New York said he bought the nutrition beverage made by the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.

Woods' court papers say he woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism. They say Woods, 29, underwent surgery for implantation of a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.

The lawsuit, filed late Monday, says Woods later had problems that required a hospital visit and penile artery embolization, a way of closing blood vessels. Closing off some blood flow prevents engorgement and lessens the
likelihood of an erection.

Woods' lawsuit, which seeks unspecified damages, names Novartis Consumer Health Inc. as a defendant. A spokeswoman for the company, Brandi Robinson, said Tuesday the company was aware of the lawsuit but does not comment on pending litigation.

Woods' lawyer did not return telephone calls for comment Tuesday.

Novartis' Boost Plus Web site describes the drink as "a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume," in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.

A service of the Associated Press(AP)

Anyhow, you don't need me to tell you that the article is a minefield of risible material (if you'll excuse the term). So many questionable word choices. The stuff of which band names are made, I tells ya.

Your band names for today (from the news article alone):

• Winter Shunt
  
• Boost Plus
  
• Christopher Woods
  
• Severe Priapism
  
• Penile Artery Embolization
  
• Engorgement
  
• Oral Supplement
  

I particularly like this clumsily-worded gem of information: "...he bought the nutrition beverage . . . at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it."

I'm glad they pointed out that he *drank* it. --So THAT was the vector of ingestion! I Hope that puts a stop to rumors from Marilyn Monroe conspiracy theorists that he introduced the beverage rectally.