My Band Name For Today

• Artificial-Birth Primate
  
• Monetize
  
• Soup Demon
  
• Sag
  
• The Choke Ghosts
  

• Persistent World
  
• Extraordinary Ray
  
• Super Monkey Collider
• Bible Regal
• Cave of Swallows
  
  

RE Extraordinary ray ... see "Birefringence".

Bible Regal isn't what you think it is. It is an intricately decorated book-shaped instrument from the late middle ages that didn't survive much past the the 16th century. The ones I've heard sound pretty reedy. You could equate the sound with an accordion, but much thinner, like 2 detuned square waves beating against each other. I don't think there is a Wikipedia article for "Bible Regal", but I can't be bothered.

Cave of Swallows just sounds wrong, but they assure me it is a thing.

What's the deal with county music awards shows? Seems like there are 2 of these a week.

Maybe it's a TV series. Every week they award the endless terabytes of new content churned out by by the diesel smoke-belching, rusty tractor-shaped songwriting machines in Nashville.

Maybe they should have a county music awards show that gives out awards for county music awards shows.

Maybe I should trot out the rest of the old jokes about awards shows.

Well, how about just one more:

[fake southern accent] : "--And now the award...for the best county song...written on a Tuesday..."

• The Proto-Sporks
• Chase The Chuckwagon
• One Collision, Three Allisions, and a Grounding
• Complete Lack of Hasselhoff

See, its a game where you chase the little stop-motion chuckwagon. Just like the dog in the old commercials.

It's for your Atari 2600, and came as a free premium from the fine people at Ralston Purina.

I think it would make a most cromulent band name.

I did not have this game, but I did get "Kool-Aid Man" by saving points from Kool-Aid packets.

A reader caught up with me to ask what my rules are. Seems he noticed that I operate by "a rather freewheeling set of strictures that nevertheless results in a number of characteristic lists" (not my words).

My first thought (as always) is "where do you people keep getting my email address?"

But I will break my "do not explain" policy one more time for this:

• The first rule of the Band Name List is, "Do not talk about the band name list."
• The second rule is similar.

• Spirit Mum
  
• Haunted By A Pint Of Milk
• Noxious Weeds
• MoonCalf
• The Three Known Photographs Of Henry Darger

I saw a (mocked-up) Weekly World News on a recent episode of Supernatural. Made me miss the genuine article, which I never bought, but was glad existed. Today's "Pint of Milk" was inspired by a British paper in the style of the Weekly World News, which is somehow still being published.

BTW, I am not an automatic fan of Henry Darger. I'm sorry for his hard luck life, but I don't automatically give artists free passes for all sorts of quantum weirdness.

After all, we're all artists here, right? If everybody is a special case--a freaky talent, kid-glove savant who is special and extraordinary, then nobody is special and extraordinary. Man-up and face Reality.

--"Reality", being defined as the thing that continues to exist whether you believe in it or not.