My Band Name For Today

• Racking Focus
  
• Big Time Mustard Production
• The Beamsplitting Pellicles
  
• Rice Parameter
  
• The Crystalline Entity
  

• Lighter Fluid Donut
  
• Backyard Dentist
  
• Jawhorse
• Slausen's Lost Oasis
• 
  

• Johnny Brassbuttons
  
• Frozen Sausage to the Head
  
• The Ghost of Flooz
  
• Force Lightning
  
• The Last Subscriber
  

Have I mentioned that I've got like a hundred thousand dollars worth of uncashed Flooz? Will anybody accept it in exchange for goods or services? Whoopi? Anybody?

• Exploding Bear
  
• King Toe
• The Flynn Effect
• Preteen Thugs
• Flatulent Robot
  

"King Toe" is an actual brand of work boot which you can (probably) purchase on the Internets. I will never know. The Internets Hate Me.

A lady at work (whom I sort-of-know) sent out the following email. She included me on the distro-list for some reason.

Let me preface this by saying that I don't work in one of those hip TV-style freewheeling offices. I work with old people who think that electricity is a fad.

The message:

Subject: Pie
If everyone emails me their favorite type of pie, I will bring in the pie with the highest votes tomorrow.

There is something so unhip-it's-cool about that pie poll*.

In fact its so cool, it makes me kind of suspicious.

I give "Pie" today's honorary Admiral Akbar "It's a Trap!" award.

* Good thing it wasn't a pot pie poll. And that Khmer Rouge despot Pol Pot wasn't involved in the pot pie poll.

• Puzzle Car
  
• Hanging Indent
  
• Petticoat Dungeon
  
• Rusty Bolt Effect
  
• Mop Replacement Head
  

"Rusty Bolt Effect" goes on my list of words that don't mean what I think they mean.

The Inedible Moment:
Word Jazz for the Internet Age

"I couldn't believe that scene," she said. "it was a pretty inedible moment."

"What did you say? It was a what moment?"

"inedible moment. I thought it was a really inedible moment."

I had been through this before with her.

Or similar.

I knew better than to try.

But that didn't stop me. "'inedible'? Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Inedible. I'll never forget it."

"Whatever. I guess you're entitled to your uniformed opinion."

"What?"

Seems like only yesterday when Erykah Badu brought home the Bronze in the Nagano Olympics. What's up with all these figure skaters and their off-rink antics?

What? You say she's a musician, not a skater?

--Never heard of her.