My Band Name For Today

Hello. I am Mark Wynkoop and I speak Esperanto like a native. Here are your band names for today:

• Estrogen Storm
• Moon Magnet
• Diagnosis: Jimmy
  
• Fake Brady Dad/Pop-Up Brady
• Fragile X Syndrome
  

• Doomsday Theory
  
• Antidote
  
• Gauss Rifle
  
• Baby Stink-Breath
  
• The Abilene Network
  

• Mancala
• Dr. Bombay
  
• Active Evil
  
• Wheelchair of the Future
• Mysteries of Heaven and Earth

There is a Swedish guy who pretends to be an Indian singer called Dr. Bombay, but he is a studio pop act (the kind of stuff that borders on a sell-out version of performance art) and not a band. (I found this out because he has a track on one of the beatmania arcade games).

"Mysteries of Heaven and Earth" is taken from the title of an ancient Ge'ez mystical text.

• Spiral Jetty
  
• Rudimentary Water Engine
  
• Sputum
  
• Happy Sandwich
  
• Spite House*

*"Spite House" is another Band Name of the Month nominee. It has a great hardcore edge to it IMHO.

Bambleweenie from Internet writes:

I noticed your profile says you like those darling little Hummel figurines. And yet you have none on your blog. Is this a joke?

Hundreds of freaky Hummel collectors have visited this site only to be disappointed. For those of you who doubt my love of cloying nicknacks, I have documentary evidence. I enjoy traveling with my Hummels and having them photographed with various luminaries. Here is a brief photo gallery of some of my (our) adventures:

I hear Shaun Cassidy was really hoping to get ROAR back into production. Too bad. Maybe he can re-visit "American Gothic" (grown-up former child star Lucas Black looks pretty stable and is unlikely to do a Renfro).

Today's Band Names:

• Zombie Charity
  
• The Boil-In-Bags
  
• Decapitating Harry
  
• Septic Dentigerous Cyst*
  
• Skiagraph
  

*About ten years ago, the British Veterinary Association's publication The Veterinary Record had an enlightening article about the surgical treatment of a septic dentigerous cyst in a goat. Apparently, a slowly growing lesion of the rostral mandible of the goat was diagnosed to be a septic dentigerous cyst. The lesion was treated surgically to remove a displaced tooth and debride the cystic cavity, and systemic antibiotic therapy was applied. Thirty-four weeks later the goat was clinically and radiographically improved and the problem had not recurred.

You see, the problem with Blogs is that you can write anything you want.

• The Milgram Experiment
• Pepper's Ghost
  
• Pre-Teen War Crimes Tribunal
• Parson's Code
  
• The Burial of Ida the Fish*
  

*Band name based on a true incident. The fish's name was not Ida (but phonetically similar). I will update this when I have done better primary research.

• Orange, Purple and Silver [1]
  
• Gegenschein [2]
• Lesser Bag of Holding
  
• Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
• A Charming Dive
  

[1] from the bogus meme that these are the only words in English that cannot be rhymed. AMUSING BONUS: I had a girlfriend that pronounced the word "meme" with two syllables, like "me-me".

[2] There is a real midnight sun, no mater where you are on earth, und it ist der Gegenschein (which is German for "Counter Shine"). It is the full phase reflection from the lens of cosmic dust that surrounds the sun and extends beyond the Earth. The Gegenschein is directly related to the zodiacal light, or so-called false dawn.

One might reasonably ask what this has to do with rock bands; The answer is that Queen Guitarist Brian May was awarded his Astrophysics Ph.D. in 2007 based on his thesis, "A Survey of Radial Velocities in the Zodiacal Dust Cloud". See, even some successful rockers have academic chops.

• "los Aerodeslizadores" [1]
• Super Cute Puke
• Cephalophoric Robots [2]
• Shirt Wiener [3]
• Bender Gestalt [4]
  

[1] Spanish word for "hovercraft". Spanish words have to be longer because they don't have as many synonyms with which to impress you.

[2] Look that one up yourselves.

[3] "Shirt Wiener" is my Band Name of the Month nominee. It's what happens when your oxford shirt protrudes from your (accidentally) unzipped pants. --Can't believe its been like four years and I've never named a band Shirt Wiener.

[4] "Bender Gestalt" is actually a psychological motor skills test. It would be a good name for an episode of "Futurama".

• Enchantress of Numbers
• Peristalsis
  
• Immoral Compass
  
• Bolus
  
• Illegal Use Of Duct Tape
  

"Enchantress of Numbers" joins the growing list of titles in my fake paperback series.
The actual term "The Enchantress of Numbers" is from an epigram the mathematician Charles Babbage wrote for Ada Byron. Babbage had designed a primordial mechanical computer, for which she eagerly foresaw the potential.

Ada Byron became the first computer programmer in human history. Her left-brain prowess was cultivated in no small part as a reaction against her father, Lord Byron's, right-brain excesses.

• Stop Saying Snarky
  
• Butter Logic
• Parallel Bible Conspiracy
• Lustful Shudder
  
• Anaphylactic Propylactic Theater

2008 already? I'm still writing "1987" on all my checks.

Wait..--has any one written a paper check since about 1987?

• Flat Sink Stopper
• Bigsby's Handle [1]
  
• Rump Parliament [2]
  
• Glowing Pig [3]
  
• Afternoon Manatee [4]
  

[1] Here is a link to adjust the height of your guitar's Bigsby vibrato tailpiece.

[2] Come on! For a 12 year old, the Rump Parliament was the funniest topic in middle school history since the Diet of Worms or the Treaty of Brest-Livostok.

[3] from the news story that the genetically engineered glow-in-the-dark pig can pass on his glow-genes. I can't wait for the Trance kiddies to ditch the glo-sticks and actually glow themselves.

[4] Because a pun is the lowest form of band name.

• The Cheddar Bunnies [1]
  
• Genetic Harmony Diet [2]
  
• Grace Mordant Turns Trills [3]
  
• The Brink of Kitsch [4]
  
• Cialis Erection Pill Mountaintop Bathtub Experience [5]
  
• Perverting the Course of Justice [6]
  

[1] An unfortunately extant snack food.

[2] The genetic harmony diet (as New Age get-rich-quick wack-jobs will be all too happy to tell you) is "the only diet that does not fall prey to that all-too-common tendency to ignore the vibratory imprints of food onto each being's energy body".

[3] "Grace Mordant Turns Trills" is the third in my series of fake paperback books published between 1950 and 1977. It sounds like a hardboiled crime novel, but the musically educated among you will realize that each word in the title is a term for musical embellishment.

[4] Where we are hovering right now.

[5] What is it with the creepy old people in Cialis ™ commercials who cart heavy footed tubs to the top of tall mountains to enjoy the vista in (presumably) post coital bliss? My money says they didn't have the energy to do that even back when the equipment was in good working order, if you know what I mean.

[6] Hairwad singer Amy Winehouse was arrested and jailed in London on the charge of "Perverting the Course of Justice". Yet somehow whoever programs MTV has been free for years even though the network has been non-music garbage since 1991.

I ain't dead yet. But with my last breath I spit band names at thee!

• Angry Hymen
  
• Tattoo Assassins
• Reptile of Peace
  
• Homework Island
  
• Iron Bork
  

I will formulate a proper new year message when I am feeling better.
P.S. Yes, I realize that "Tattoo Assassins" was a legendary videogame notorious as a big budget vaporware fiasco. Also realize that "Ain't It Dead Yet?" was a Skinny Puppy album.