My Band Name For Today

The very elderly Al Hunt is back with his patented list of high-larious band names.

I had to help out this year because Al's middle aged grandson Jeffy is in rehab for prawn addiction.

I am not trying to be cagey. Little Jeffy is addicted to jumbo shrimp.

We now present this year's "Famous Monsters of Filmland"-Style band name list:

• Lady Gag-Ball
• Earth Wind and Uninsured Fire Damage
• The Hex Pistols
• Rage Against The Very Scary Machine
• Josh Groban (stet, ed.)
  
• Lynyrd Skinned-Nerd
• Katy Scarry
• Mary J. Bilge ("Ha!" writes Al, "That one kills! Mad magazine would have loved that one!")
  
• Taylor Swift-Kick in the Groin
• National Debt-tallica
• Bob Marley and the Illegal Whalers

I am properly horrified that this is the historic 5th annual Band Name Spec-tac-Ghoul-ar. Feel free to per-ooze the previous entries:

2008 (Summary: Features the horrifying visage of Eleanor Roosevelt)
2007 (Summary: Al makes racist comments, gets edited)
2006 (Summary: Little Jeffy begins to be a liability)
2005 (Summary: Al asks for an exorbitant fee. We offer $5. He takes it.)

• Palm Tree Heroes
  
• Sharp Practice
  
• Ear Hook
  
• Bipolar Cheerleader
  
• Dog Shirt

Is "Bipolar Cheerleader" based on an actual cheerleader? Yes it is.

Will I spill all the details? Only if you really bug me about it.

• Super Pregnant
  
• Pantone 146 U
  
• BLACK MARIAH
• Balloon Hoax Boy
  
• Neonatal Harmonica
  

"Super Pregnant" ties back to one of my favorite band names from the old days, "Extra Virgin". They are two extremes of something that is already an absolute.

• Monster Island
  
• Inverted Sugar
  
• 13 Frightened Girls
  
• Kneel Before Zod
  
• Internet Vasectomy Club
  

"Internet Vasectomy Club" was coined by my brother back in '97 in reference to the Heavens Gate Suicide cult, based on their website-development business and staunch anti-testicle policy.

I have developed hundred of websites for corporate clients and can affirm that a number of companies would probably prefer similar requirements from their web guy.

Sorry, baby. You're messing with the wrong webmaster.

Your Band Name for Today is:

* Retroactive Hatred

"Retroactive Hatred" is a contribution from my buddy Paxton who is living up in D.C. these days. I hope there is no personal message intended. Most guys send you email that just says "Retroactive Hatred", you have to assume some kind of vendetta has started.

Not saying I haven't given him good reasons...

• A Full Roaring Boil
  
• Sore Nipple Solutions
  
• Westerlund One
  
• Random Dot Autostereogram
  
• As Dead as the Moon
  

• Space Clown
  
• The Odd-Toed Ungulates
• Tin Whiskers
  

or

• Killer Whiskers

Deadly Tin Whiskers are here, and they have already KILLED!
50's sci-fi hyperbole? Nope. In the headlong rush to make everything lead-free, inferior substitutes are causing deadly danger in the aviation industry. Just thought you might need something else to worry about.


Re Odd-Toed Ungulates:
Confessions of the obscure: Here's another crazy tangent from my c.v. - I have spent more time around tapirs (whatever that is) than is really necessary, specifically Bards Tapir. They are interesting critters (and keen judges of character).
Bonus Unsolicited Opinion: --In my estimation tapirs are smarter than horses.

That, and 99 cents will buy you a new instant coffee at Starbucks.