My Band Name For Today

Huzzah!

This blog is officially one year old and shows no signs of stopping!

My psychiatrist is especially distressed about this. Also my mom and most of my friends.

No sane person should have this many band names in them.

Anyway, the One Year Anniversary voting is suspended (I must remember to disable the voting option...). The winner? "You Can Do 50 Band Names In One Sitting" slightly beat "Please Close Down this Website".

I still intend on uploading graphs of the stats, but the totals go like this:

• 898 total votes
• 564 unique voters
• 334 voters who did it Chicago-style and voted more than once

• 78 votes for "You can create up to 23 band names a day"
• 55 votes for "You can do 37 band names, you freak"
• 373 votes for "None. Please Shut Down This Website" (the winner of repeat voters!)
• 329 votes for "50! You're a total band name stud"

So we had a band name bullpen session and these are the results. Once I get some media space I will post audio (and possibly video) to prove that these were all made up free of assistance within only a couple minutes. Scary!

These band names were transcribed from the video tape of that session. Enjoy! They are my one year gift to you! If we are still here, serving your band name needs a quarter century from now. . . --it will be pretty sad.

---

• Pointwise
• Danish Frosting Fantasy
• Serious Camber

• Porn Bucket
• Flabbergastic Pie Ensemble
• Caribou Tabu

• Go Polite
• My Darling Airport
• Cum Macro

• Guillwort
• The Furious Sparrows
• My Aunt Wears the Pants

• Quicken Thicken
• Grout Penetrator
• Hose-Spray Rainbow

• Gymnosperm
• Downright Bergman
• Dear Washy

• Blink Incident
• Extoller
• Latex Hump
• Excess Shortage
• Worsted Woolly Mammoth
• Vivid Eunuch Piefight

• Incapacitated Network Anchormen
• Super Progenitor
• Acrid Rat Union

• 50¢ Pieces for My Nieces
• Ribald Chenille
• Ugly Eden

• Immortal Assignment
• Immodest Pidgin
• Rufus Pimps for Pants

• Piddle
• Strip Hangmen
• Dickie Carbide

• Edsel Easel
• Fertile Falafel
• Loofah Luftwaffe

• Acey-Deecey
• A Blinding Rainstorm
• Messy Newcomer

• Retarded Clones
• Hairydust
• Velocity Curve

• Electric Dentures
• Tooligans
• Spank Banker

• Volcanic Nosebleed
• The Jerry Springer Choral
• PMS Prediction Network

• Indecently Voluminous Prolific Band Name Prodigy

---

By my count, the tally is like 52 names., so I think my live on-air host got it wrong somewhere. I have not checked these for duplicates, so there may be some.

Duplicates.

Wait til you hear the recording of this session. It's horrifying!

Now that I've just about killed any chance for comedy with that title, why don't you enjoy some hilarious band names:

• Candid Pervert (thanks again, Doug*)
  
• Action Jacket
  

• qxrqypnn (sorry, me and Kyle are still recovering from a weekend viewing of Eraserhead)
  

• Twice As Gay
  
• Laser Ape
  

*My friend Doug makes a good point. You'd have to be twice the idiot to solicit a minor online these days:

Any pervert now faces the absolute certainty that when they arrive for their "date" they will be busted by Stone Phillips, Dateline NBC and about fifty local cops.

I hear things don't go too well for child molesters in prison.

[Speaking in a tough Clint Eastwood voice]
If you are a child molester, do the world a favor, creep. Fall extra hard on the bicycle bar. Repeat until effective. This is the best way you can make the world a better place.

I love clean water, clean air and clean underwear. But even I see a point where radical environmentalism becomes nothing more than a "belief system", if you catch my drift. Let's face it: these folks "believe" things. Don't try to confuse them with facts.

An area where Environmentalists and Hillbillies agree? There are several, it turns out. One of these is the deep rooted "belief" that Fluoride in water is bad. All you have to do is ignore 100 years of scientific and empirical evidence that (1) it works, and (2) it is harmless because there is a safe level, just as there are safe levels of the vast majority of chemical compounds of which comprise the world.

But who needs double-blind research studies, chemical models and overwhelming empirical results? Anecdotal "evidence" is the only safe harbor for crackpots.

Speaking of scientific rigor, after an intensive review process, "My Band Names" has earned the prestigious ADA Council on Dental Therapeutics endorsement!

"The ADA has found the 'My Band Names' Blog to be an effective decay preventive dentifrice when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care."

So stick around and enjoy a nice Band Name or two. Turns out they really don't promote tooth decay after all. Tooth Decay: No. Atomic Decay: Yes.

• Band One
• Fermata Stopwatch
• Ralph 124C41+

• Scar City

• Oh Negative
• Tropical Stonehenge
• ?Land (Flat Land. Pretend that symbol is a musical flat. People would read it as "bLand")
  

Spot the circumlocutious Aaron Spelling Tribute in today's edition. Here are the proffered band names:

• Cryptic Choice Woman
• Troll Rocket
• Time Burgalers

• Mother May I Sleep With Danger?
• The Magic of Gravy

• The Miasm of Psora
• Airline Upgrade Lie Specialist

and finally, the Irish rap artist:

• Yo Mahoney

• Handbag Jibe
• The Danbury Baptists

• Gun Sandwich
• Dorito Dogs
  

Cut and Paste error today. I'd originally reposted most of last week's list. With the amount of money they are paying me to do this, I'd better have it perfect.

• Cryptic Choice Woman
• Troll Rocket
• Time Burgalers

• The Magic of Gravy
• Space Virgin / Virgins in Space
• Malony Jonze

• Green Child Icon
• Lengthy Sperm
• Decca Tree

• The Miasm of Psora
• Airline Upgrade Lie Specialist
  

and finally, the Irish rap artist:

• Yo Mahoney

• 4 Finger Poi
• Meat Buoy
• Undiluted Homoeopathy

• Sheet Wedgie

• Nux Vomica
• DoublePaid
• Substitute Heart

• Geo Jai
• The Purest Sound Known to Man

• Tragic Zero

• Malformed Jerrold
• Box Monster

You may not believe this, but this guy had a melon farming snake on his melon farming plane:
Snake on a Plane News Story (opens in a new browser)

The pilot radioed for emergency landing clearance. When they asked what the problem was, he told them he had "one hand full of snake and the other hand full of plane."

After landing, he posed for pictures with the snake.

Call me cynical, but it sounds too much like viral marketing for my soon-to-be favorite film.

On a more musical note (Tee hee!), check out who is in my CD player this week: Da Vinci's Notebook, another satirical D.C.-based quasi-a cappella group. But they have a hard-edged Ben Folds twist. They are less likely to sing about the budget deficit and more likely to sing a windy Jim Steinman pastiche. Cool.

My band names for today shall be:

• Fake Thumb
• Chameleon Circuit
• The Glee Club Murders

• Jacuzzi Yakuza
• Death Charge
• Peanut Butter Boy

Q: How many surrealists does it take to name a band?

A: Two--One to hold the guillotine while the other ten fill the swimming pool with colored weasels.

• Stagflation
• Slipple Nips
• The Low Slow Sound of a Scream on Mars

• The Domain Decompositors
• Bionic Mexican
  

• Wages of Skin
• The Pink Slips
• Stackable Joe

Some would posit that "Dadaists" would more correctly name a band in the fashion I described. To this I say "Cloud upon a blue, blue sky/Flying plank of wood/Eyeball in a kidney pie/O Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood."

My Band Name for Today -- A schism in Dadaism since 1916!

You don't need to know string theory to love a great band name!

In fact, the two have absolutely no connection. Forget that I mentioned them in the same sentence.

• Tarbuckle
• Shoehorn Cthulu
• Porn Box
• Ripple of Bees

• Soaking White (thanks Sarah!)

• Pinko Dollar
• Arc of Numbers
• Shuehole
• Emperor of Brane

Shout Out to my physicist homies! Wazzup with that dope M2-Brane? All hail the 2 dimensional Brane! It's where I keep all my stuff!

"Soaking White" is quite possibly the Band Name of the Month™. Mad props to the newly minted Sarah M. Maybe she will upload a photo of the pants which inspired this bandname.

An icky eyeball note to let you all know I'm suffering from conjunctivitis and blepharitis (whatever that is).

I have gentamicin sulfate eye drops and hand sanitizer and have seen both a doctor and an ophthalmologist. Don't be afraid to come around here. Just don't touch my eye fluid.

My band name for today shall be "eye fluid".

• Eye Fluid
• Icky Eyeball
• Gentamicin
• The Blepharts
• Pink Eye
• Dr. Ho (my opthamologist)

• Muttonhole
• Squat
• Hi-Low Jack and the Dame

• Shifty Death Effect
• Retarded Wedding
• Irony Mountain (!!)

• Salami Rocket or Meat Rocket (links to Mythbusters at TV.com)
• Shockpile
  

1. This site has fake band names. Lots of them. I make them all up.
2. My girlfriend doesn't think they are funny.
3. Some of the names I invent. None are random or computer generated. Generally, I just make mental notes of weird phrases or words from everyday life (work, family, mass media, etc.) which are goofy or memorable.

This site has been rated as worth several thousand dollars from Technorati. It would be worth more if I shilled for the many fine retail values available at your local Wal*Mart!

I would never sell the site. It isn't out of any misplaced sense of artistic integrity. I'm just waiting for the book deal.

Faithful viewers, go out now and lobby Simon & Schuster for "Mark Wynkoop's Band Names that Don't Exist! (*and Why They Shouldn't!!)"

Here are your fake Band Names for today:

• Quack Device
• Dead in a Balloon
• Anaphylactic Prophylactic (sorry)

• Double Slit in Time
• Pons and Fleischmann
• The Circuit Trippers

Thanks to Quackwatch.com for the name "Quack Device". They are referring to phony medical devices offered for sale by shady "alternative medicine" mercenaries.

I just think it would be a great band name.

Here is a selected list of Quackwatch's "Signs of a Quack Device"

• "It has bright lights that serve no apparent purpose."
• "It shakes, rattles, rolls, sucks, shocks, or warms your body."

Now THAT would be an awesome band!!

We are gearing up for a big one year anniversary stunt here at "My Band Names".
A David Blaine/David Copperfield-style tour de force (but with fake band names instead of magic):


No internet, books or other resources in front of me. And absolutely no prewritten names!

Keep up the voting. There are really quite a few of you out there. I have been tracking the many, many visits to this blog

I was finally indexed and cached on Google recently, so there really are hundreds of hits to the main page each day. It's about time!

I will break down voting by single as well as repeat votes and post the results early next week. I should have added a "greater than 50" option.

I will also try to do the stream of consciousness "tonnes of band names in five minutes" stunt next week. Maybe we can get up some video or at least an audio stream, so you know it isn't a trick.

More info on a date once we work it out. Maybe we'll do a "live blog event" or something.

Keep voting. Cheers!

--Mark

P.S.
Yes. I know that "tonnes" is not generally spelled that way. Its an archaic variant. I like to talk like a pirate. Enjoy it!

P.P.S.
Oh, you came here for band names? Here you go, ya dope!

• Harmony Anomaly
• RockSnot
• The Dud Firework Enigma

• Fistfight in Heaven
• A Friend of the Director
• Agents of Blame

• Invisible Dog Shampoo
• Deep Bass Nine
• Tuba Writeoff

June is here already! The first year of "My Band Names" has almost passed. To mark this passing I want to pull a massive stunt: namely posting a day with a olde-style tonne of band names. I'm talking about a freaking plethora!

Anyway, I thought I'd let you, the viewer, decide the quantity. Here goes our first poll:

My Band Names First Anniversary Poll

You can create up to 23 band names a day. You can do 37 band names, you freak. 50! You're a total band name stud. None. Please Shut Down This Website.

Thank You!

 

Your vote has been registered.

 

Remember to vote early and often!

 

By the way, the band name for today is:

• The Pete Postlethwaite Puissant Posse